The Fowley Effect
by Oneturtledove
Summary: Diana's wake. No, it's not the funeral kind
1. Love, Dana

Dicsclaimer: Not mine.

Spoilers: The End, FTF

A/N: I really really really didn't want to write this, but i had to get it out before it devoured my insides. Don't worry, there will be more as soon as i commit myself to the logistics of it. I think i might ban myself from watching season 6 after this. Ug.

The Fowley Effect

Scully wanted to scream. Throw herself on the floor, kick, scream, and cry like a two year old. She had once witnessed her nephew in such a state after he was told he couldn't have any ice-cream. She had been flabbergasted at his actions. He looked like he wasn't even aware of his body; like he was possessed. He had lost all control.

She wanted to feel that.

Instead, she sighed and tossed her keys on the kitchen table, then headed straight for the cupboard that had chocolate in it. She found the Hershey's bar and considered it for a moment. He wasn't worthy of driving her to chocolate. She put the candy back into the cupboard.

Maybe a bubble bath would help. She went into the bathroom and started the water, putting in extra bubbles.

Mulder had gone too far. Ditching her was one thing. Ditching her to run off with Diana Fowley and nearly get himself killed was another. Diana falsified her reports, those lies resulting in Mulder looking like an idiot. And all Mulder could do was defend Diana. When Scully had honestly told him that the test results could not prove what he was saying, he lashed out at her. The fact of the matter was that he didn't care how hard she tried. She could never be to him what Diana was. No matter how often she saved him, no matter how many times she put herself on the line for him, it would never be enough.

And the most recent of their escapades... Scully had dug up information on Diana and he refused to believe it. If someone came to him with information like that on Scully, he would accept it faster than he could say "I want to believe." Diana had warped his mind to the point that he was barely recognizable. He wasn't the man that held her hand in the hospital, the man that attended her daughter's funeral, or even the man that took care of her when she had a cold. Now he was Diana's man.

Let him have her.

She blinked a few times before registering the voice as her conscience. She sighed again. It was right. If she really cared about him she would let him have what he wanted. She wanted him to be happy. She thought about that for several minutes. Could she really get over it, walk away, let him do what he wanted?

Yes.

It would be hard, and she would know that he was doing something that could be detrimental, but it didn't seem to matter anymore. She could let him know that she would always be there for him, then move on to a new phase in her life. If he wanted to keep in contact, that was fine. But he didn't owe her that, nor did he want it.

She'd quit the FBI. Go back to medicine. Maybe start a family practice, or work for a pediatrician. She could even move somewhere closer to her mother. Maybe she would move to Georgia to be near her brother. Or maybe she would just see where a job opened up, go wherever the career change took her. She smiled. It would be an adventure. One she could have all by herself. She could make all of her own decisions, not have to take anyone else into account. It would be freeing.

She slipped into the tub just as her cell phone rang. She rolled her eyes and grabbed it off the back of the toilet.

"Scully."

"Hey Scully, it's me. I need you to-"

"No."

"No what?"

"Whatever it is that you want me to do, I'm not doing it."

"Scully, what are you-"

"I'm not your assistant. I'm not your partner. I'm not your friend. You have no business asking me for anything right now."

"Scully, what are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about and you know exactly why I'm talking about it. I think you owe it to me to respect that."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me, Mulder. I've just come to some conclusions about things."

"Like?"

"Nothing I want to discuss with you right now."

"Talk to me Scully."

"You know what, Mulder? It's useless. You don't listen to me anyway."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't. I can't work like this anymore. I won't."

"Scully, are you trying to tell me that you're quitting?"

She was quiet.

"I'm not talking about this over the phone. I'm coming over."

"Please don't Mulder."

"I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Mulder don't. I don't want to see you; I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone."

She was talking to dead air.

Mulder knocked on the door twenty minutes later. Scully sat on the couch, redressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and refused to get up. Maybe he would go away. Instead he used his key.

"You thought I would just give up and go home didn't you?" he asked, sitting down on the other end of the couch.

"No. You just didn't give me a chance to get up," she lied, avoiding his eyes.

"Scully, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"You're threatening to leave."

"I'm not threatening. I've already made the decision."

"You haven't talked to me about it yet."

"Is it imperative that I do? Mulder, I've lost my sister, my daughter and my life to this job. I'm about to lose you. I'd rather cut my losses now and get it over with. Please let me do this."

"Scully, I need you."

"You don't. You never did. We just had this conversation, Mulder."

"And at the end of it you were pretty convinced that you should stay. What changed?"

"You did."

"I haven't changed, Scully."

"Yes you have. You wanted me to stay because it would be better or easier for you. And I wanted to honor that, so I planned on staying. But I realized that you didn't care about what was best for me. I'll always be your friend, Mulder, but this job isn't worth my life anymore."

"This is about Diana."

"Partially, it is. The way you treat her is head and shoulders above the way you treat me. And if you want to be her partner, that's fine. If you want to work with her, admit it. Don't lie to yourself and don't lie to me."

"What makes you think I would want to work with her?"

"Because she validates your work. She makes you legitimate. She makes your life easier. Why wouldn't you want to work with her?"

"She's not you."

"I know she's not. All the more reason for you to want to work with her. Right?"

"Wrong. Scully, you are my partner."

"By force. You didn't choose me. You can choose her."

"But I did choose you. Last time the X-Files were reopened, I had a choice. I chose you to be my partner. I never told you that, but you can ask Skinner if you don't believe me. I've always wanted you by my side, no matter how bad I've been at showing it."

"It's more than that, Mulder. I don't want this life anymore. If I leave it's not going to ruin you. You'll be okay. You have Skinner, and the Gunmen and Diana. You'll be fine."

"They're not you."

"I'm sorry, but I have to do this. Will you please let me?"

He sighed and put his face in his hands so she couldn't see the tears that were coming.

"Where will you be?"

"I don't know yet. I'm not staying in DC."

"You're not just quitting the FBI, you're moving too?"

"Yes. I need to get completely away. I would appreciate if you didn't try to find me."

"You hate me that much?"

"I don't hate you, Mulder. I could never hate you. I just realized that I don't belong here anymore. I don't really love the idea of leaving you, but I need to."

"Will you keep in touch?" he asked, for lack of anything better to say.

"Not at first. But eventually I'll let you know where I am."

"You know what, Scully?" he shouted, suddenly standing up and pacing the room. "Don't even bother. You've made it pretty clear how you feel."

"Mulder, you don't get to be mad right now," she replied calmly, playing with the fringe on one of her throw pillows.

"Why not?"

"Because I haven't done anything wrong."

"You're betraying me."

"No I'm not, Mulder. That's what Diana does, and I resent the implication that I do the same. I would never do that to you."

"You're leaving me and I need you."

"I'm your crutch, Mulder. It's time you learned to walk on your own. I'm going to bed now. I'll let you know before I leave."

She stood from the couch and turned to go into her bedroom. Mulder watched her until she was almost to her door before racing after her. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back, holding her tightly against him.

"I won't let you do this."

"Mulder let me go."

"No. You can't leave like this, just because you're mad at me. Whatever this is, we can fix it. We always do. Even when you run off to Philadelphia and get a tattoo and go on a date with some psychopath, we fix it. When I go undercover without telling you and almost get myself killed, we fix it. We can fix this, Scully. Tell me we can fix it."

"Mulder, there's nothing to fix. It's over. Let me go."

"I can't. I won't. I love you."

"Mulder, why would you wait to tell me that when I'm about to do something that you don't want me to do? Now you're just trying to manipulate me."

"Scully, I'm not. I just... I don't know what to say to you. I don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me, Mulder. You're not, I promise. I just need to be away from you for a while. I need to be done with this."

"Then go on an extended vacation. Or get a job here. Stay in DC. Scully I can't imagine not seeing you or talking to you every day. Just... think about it some more before you make a decision."

"Mulder, I've thought about it. I've been thinking about it since Dallas. I'm not making this decision because I'm mad at you or because I'm discouraged or anything like that. It's time for me to go."

He sighed and leaned down to hug her.

"I don't want you to leave."

"I have to."

"And I can't come with you?"

"No, Mulder."

"Okay. I guess I have to let you go then, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Right this minute?"

"No. But eventually, you're going to have to."

"When is eventually?"

"I don't know."

"Where are you going to work?"

"I'm not sure."

"Where are you going to live?"

"I have no idea."

"So what exactly do you have planned?" he asked, pulling back to look at her.

"Maybe not everything, but I have somewhere to start from."

"This is going to be the last time I see you for a while, isn't it?"

"Probably."

"Can I spend the night?"

She chuckled and pulled away from him.

"No Mulder, you can't. You need to go home now."

"So that's really the end. You don't feel it's worth it to work on this?"

"It is Mulder. But I don't want to live a lie anymore. My time with you is over. You need to move on."

"But we'll still be friends?"

"Mulder, give me a while to get settled and I will call you and you can come and visit me."

"We aren't going to be friends. Not the same way that we are."

"Even if I stayed, we wouldn't be friends like that again."

"Scully, I love you."

"I love you too. Just let me do this. Maybe it will be a mistake and in six months I'll come crawling back to the basement office and you can hold it over my head forever. But that's a chance I need to take. I don't want you to think that this isn't hard for me. I'm putting on a brave face, but this really kills me inside."

"I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"Me too."

"I'll miss you."

"I know. You need to go now."

"Alright. Let's just pretend that I'm going to see you tomorrow."

"Usual time. Goodnight, Mulder."

"Goodnight, Scully."

_Dear Mulder,_

_I know I said that I didn't want to talk to you for a while, but there are some things that I didn't say the other night that I think you need to hear. It won't be all negative, so please don't get mad and stop reading in the middle._

_The first issue is with Diana. I know that you don't want to hear it, but you owe it to me to listen. When I told you that Diana was keeping track of abductees, I was hoping I wouldn't have to spell it out for you. Some of the reports that the gunmen hacked into contained my name. I don't know how much she knew about what happened to me, but the fact of the matter is that she did know some of it. I don't think I need to explain to you how that makes me feel._

_The second issue is with Diana, indirectly, but more about the person you are when you're with her. I don't know you when she's in close proximity. You're not the man I know. I don't trust you when you're with her. Part of that may be due to the fact that I just plain don't like her. But I think most of it really is the person you become. You're closed off to everything, more closed off than you have ever accused me of being. You dismiss me and seem to forget what we've been through together. You even forget the things we've said to each other, regarding our partnership and our friendship. I don't even like you when you get that way, Mulder. And that hurts. It hurts really bad._

_I know how you must be feeling right now. You're probably really mad at me for all the crap I just said, and for leaving you, and for refusing to talk to you. But I also know that in your heart you want me to be happy and safe, no matter how much it hurts you. I know that you love me and want the best for me, and once you get comfortable with this new phase of life, I know you'll remember and accept that. _

_I could never have dreamed up a better partner. You were always there when I needed you, and even when I thought I didn't. You know me better than anyone on earth. You understand me and respect me. Skinner told me when I handed in my letter of resignation that he had never seen a pair of agents that were more suitable for each other than we are. I have to agree with him. _

_You make me a better person. You never let me take the easy way out, which frankly makes me want to kill you sometimes. I like myself more because who I have come to be because of you. _

_I have never loved anyone more than I love you. I would never go into a haunted house with anyone else, much less drag them to my mothers the next day for Christmas dinner. I would never let anyone else see me without make-up or without my hair done. And it's not because I don't care, it's because I know it makes no difference to you. If I caught anyone else staring at me the way you do I would not be responsible for my actions. If anyone else ever touched me the way you do they would have a lawsuit on their hands. But you've earned the right to all that, Mulder. You have my heart. And there is always a big place for you in mine. _

_There are about a million more things I could say to you, but I'll leave you with this. No matter what I do, what I say or don't say, I want you to know that I am proud of you. The passion you have, the integrity you display, and the ferocity with which you love and search for the truth. You are someone my father would have looked up to, and that's saying a lot. Captains don't look up to anyone._

_If you ever need anything, if you have an emergency, or when you find your sister, call my mom. She'll get the message to me. And if you need me I will be there, no matter what. _

_I love you, you crazy man. Be nice to your next partner and for goodness sakes, get them a desk. (Just don't let them sit in my chair, okay?)_

_Love,_

_Dana_


	2. Mulder, it's me

Disclaimer: Someday I am going to trademark a disclaimer and that will show them. Not mine.

Spoilers: Up through Two Fathers/One Son

A/N: It's taken me a long time to think of what's going to come next in this story. I've entertained several different ways to deal with Diana, but I just haven't made my peace with the right one yet. We'll see how this plays out.

* * *

3 Months Later...

Scully poured herself another cup of coffee and brought it out to the front room.

"Dana, I still can't believe this apartment," Ellen said as Scully sat down on the couch. "It's nicer that the one you had in DC."

"Do you know how hard it is to find a secure building in New York in my price range?"

"And a town-house at that? Dana, you lucked out," Julie added, taking a sip of her coffee. "But you still haven't told us what happened with Mulder."

Scully sighed and looked away. Ellen, Julie, and Cynthia had been bugging her about that ever since they'd shown up on her doorstep earlier that morning. They had all been friends since childhood. Their fathers were also in the Navy and every few years they would be transferred to the same bases. They drifted in and out of each other's lives, but they still knew her better than her mother did. She hadn't been expecting them, and wasn't ready to deal with their barrage of questions. She hadn't really answered those questions for herself yet.

"Nothing happened, really. It was just time to move on."

"What happened to the Dana who hated to move and swore she would never do it again?"

"Cyn, that Dana grew up and realized that sometimes you have to-"

"Run away from your problems?"

She glared at Cynthia over her mug.

"Well? There's something between you and Mulder- don't even try to deny it- and that something went wrong. So instead of staying there to fix it, you ran away. Correct?"

"I did not run away."

They all gave her a look.

"Okay, so maybe I did. But he found someone else."

"Really?"

"Yes. She thinks like him and she's beautiful and smart and he loves her. I couldn't compete so I stepped away."

"One giant leap is more like it."

"I just want what's best for him. What will make him happy."

"Can't he decide that for himself?"

She sighed. Her mother had said the same thing at least three times in the last week.

"No. He's always deciding things for us and I felt like it was my turn. I stood up and told him what I wanted and then I went for it. He hasn't even come looking for me, so apparently he's okay with the decision."

"He hasn't tried to contact you at all?"

"Nope," she answered, trying to convince them that this was a good thing when really it was killing her.

"Maybe he's just trying to respect your wishes. I mean, you did tell him not to look for you, right?"

"Yes. But Mulder doesn't respect those kind of wishes usually."

"I wouldn't call this usually, Dana," Ellen said quietly.

"Ellen? What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"You're quiet. You won't look me in the eye."

"I'm just sad for you, Dana. That's all. I mean, you told me that Mulder is your other half, but the second things get a little hard you ditch the guy. That's not you, Dana. You always fight for things. I've never seen you give up before. And I've known you for 30 years. You don't do this. What happened?"

"Ellen, first of all, I didn't ditch him. Ditching is what you do when you expect to come back."

"So you deserted him."

"Okay, fine. I deserted him, I kicked him to the curb, I launched him, I broke his heart, I left him, I pushed him away, I broke up with him, I betrayed him, whatever. I couldn't fight anymore. It was killing me. Every day. He chose her over me so many times it makes my head spin. I couldn't go through that anymore. It hurt too much."

"You got your heart involved."

"Yeah, I did. And he was the first one to bring that up to me, in the most insensitive way possible and he never apologized. He was just a jerk about all of it. He wouldn't listen to me or even pretend to listen. He had no respect for me or anything. I'm not strong enough for that, not anymore."

"You still miss him."

"Yes. And I shouldn't. I should be so happy to be away from him, but I know if he came in that door right now I would probably cry and hug him and tell him that I miss him and that I love him, but he doesn't deserve to hear that."

"You sound a little conflicted," Julie dead-panned. Scully smiled and wiped a tear from her eye.

"That's fairly accurate."

"You regret leaving, don't you?"

"Every day. I would rather be back there and hurting than here and hurting. At least there I could see him. I don't even know if he's safe from day to day."

"You should call him. At least let him know that you're okay. Check on him. Maybe you will be able to at least have some kind of relationship again."

"Do you really think I should?"

"He's not going to do it. And you're in this position because of you, Dana. Not him."

"I'll call him."

"Now," Ellen said, handing her the phone.

"I can't call him now."

"Yes you can. It's late and we have a lot of shopping to do tomorrow. We'll go back to the hotel and you can stay here and fix your life. Okay?"

"Okay, but I might call you for moral support later."

They smiled and hugged her, then left the apartment. Scully looked down at the phone in her hands. Her fingers were throbbing, the rest of her body was shaking and she felt like she was going to hurl. She dialed the number anyway, taking a deep breath as it rang once. Twice. Three times.

"Mulder, it's me."


	3. Night, Scully

Disclaimer: No.

Spoilers: Up to the middle of season 6

A/N: Someday I am going to write a song about how much I hate Diana Fowley. This short conversation is really stilted and awkward, but I did that on purpose.

* * *

"Mulder, it's me."

"Who's me?" came the quiet question after a long moment of silence. She chuckled a little. "What's up, Scully?"

"I miss you," she admitted finally. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I'm hanging in there. You?"

"I'm fine. How's work?"

"I've been working with VCS. Mind numbing stuff."

"Did they close the X-Files?"

"No. I just don't feel like working on them."

"Mulder, are you sure you're okay?"

"Would you believe that I am?"

"No."

"I miss you too, Scully. I gotta go."

"Mulder, wait!"

"What?"

"Please don't hang up. Just listen to me for a second. Okay?"

"Alright."

"I'm sorry I left. I shouldn't have done it like I did and I'm really sorry. I know it hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted to do. And I wasn't really trying to escape you either. I didn't want that life anymore. I was scared and I was mad and I was letting that dictate what I did. If I could go back and change it I would."

"Come back."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because, I just can't Mulder. I'm not strong enough."

"Then don't come back to the FBI, but at least come back to me."

"I can't, not right now."

"I understand."

"There's nothing to understand, it's just... Mulder, I just got here, it's not practical to up and move again."

"Okay."

"I do miss you, Mulder. Everyday."

"I miss you too."

"Maybe you could come up here for a couple days."

"Maybe."

"I really want you to. We have a lot to talk about. It would probably be better in person anyway."

"It would."

"I don't really work on the weekends. Why don't you find a time that works and you can stay in my guest room."

"I'd like that, Scully."

"Okay. Good."

"We'll talk later, okay?"

"Yeah. Goodnight, Mulder."

"Night, Scully."


	4. See you in the morning

Disclaimer: Not mine. Not even Fowley. Not that anyone in their right mind would claim her anyway. Ew.

Spoilers: eh.

A/N: I am just writing this as it comes to me. I don't know where it's going. I barely know where it came from. And this chapter is probably going to be long, but that's okay.

* * *

They talked on the phone every night after that initial conversation. They didn't talk about Diana, or New York, but slipped back into old dialogues about life, anomalies, and other things that were safely debatable. Their calls seemed to get longer every night until one Wednesday Scully noticed that they had been talking for four hours. When she called this to Mulder's attention, she could practically hear him shrug before launching into a speech about magnetic north versus true north and what kind of influence extraterrestrials had over them. She often fell asleep as he yammered in her ear about such things and woke up the next morning, wondering where he had landed on the issue.

It was almost a month later that their schedules coincided so he could fly up to New York. She took that Friday off of work to clean her apartment and mentally prepare herself for seeing him again. She was afraid that the sight of him would make all the anger and frustration resurface. She ran through the last year in her head, making a mental note of all the things she wanted to talk about, and all the topics that weren't important enough to bring up. She cried a few times, worried that the conversation would end in a big fight and they'd never speak again. She checked the clock about 10 times in an hour, waiting impatiently for when she could leave to pick him up at the airport. She vacuumed the floor three times, made a batch of cookies and re-made the bed in the guest room twice.

When it was finally time to leave, she started to get butterflies. What if they could only have a friendship over the phone and the whole weekend was a total bust? What if they fought too much? What if they ended up not talking about anything? What if they ran out of things to talk about? What if they forgot how to be around each other?

She sighed and pushed the thoughts away all the way to the airport. After parking the car and giving herself a short pep talk, she headed into the airport. It was fairly quiet for a Friday night, and she spotted him almost immediately. He was standing at the baggage carousel, his hands in his pockets. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a grey t-shirt. She smiled. Her favorite combination.

Their eyes met across the room and he smiled and started to walk towards her. They met halfway and she crashed into him with a hug. She heard a small "oof" escape his lips, but she didn't care. She just squeezed him tighter. He kissed her head, threaded his fingers through her hair and forced her to look up at him.

"Hi," he said finally. She couldn't help but giggle.

"Hi."

They just stared at each other for a full minute before she blinked and brought herself back to reality.

"Let's get out of here."

He nodded and retrieved his suitcase before following her outside. She took his hand almost immediately, swinging it between them as they walked to the car. He glanced over in her direction, but didn't say anything. She looked happy. He didn't want to spoil it.

* * *

"Clive!" Mulder exclaimed upon seeing Scully's couch. He dropped his suitcase and sat down, stroking the cushions lovingly. "I've missed you old buddy."

Scully giggled and sat down next to him, kicking her shoes off.

"Sometimes in the night I hear him calling out for you," she remarked with a crooked smile.

"Shut up, Scully."

She smiled as he pulled her into a hug.

"I've missed you more though. Lots more."

"I didn't think that was possible."

He chuckled.

"You look good. Happy."

"That's because you're here."

"Healthier."

"That's because I haven't been drinking FBI regulation coffee."

"Shorter."

"No heels."

"Your hair is longer."

"I haven't cut it."

"Your eyes are bluer."

"I'm wearing contacts."

"And you're just as rebuttally as I remember."

"Rebuttally?"

"Yes."

She grinned and rested her head on his chest. They hadn't sat like this in a long time.

"Mulder, I'm glad you're here."

"Me too."

"Can I confess something?"

"Of course."

"I've been a little anxious about this weekend."

"Why?"

"We have a lot to talk about."

"I know. But we'll do that tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay. I made cookies. Do you want one?"

"I want more than one."

She smiled and went into the kitchen.

"Do you want milk with that, Mulder?"

"Yes please."

* * *

"Scully, you're sleepy," Mulder commented, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Go to bed."

"But..." she protested, "you just got here."

"I know."

"I don't want to go to bed yet. You're not going to be here for long."

"It's after midnight. You need to get some rest."

"Alright."

She stood from the couch and bent down to kiss his cheek.

"Goodnight, Mulder. I love you."

"I love you too. See you in the morning."


	5. Here when you wake up

Disclaimer: Rig-a-ma-role

Disclaimer: Rig-a-ma-role

Spoilers: Up through season 6

A/N: I am loving that I can write a story with Fowley in the title and never have to give her any lines. I still don't know what I'm going to do with her though. Maybe she will contract a fatal disease from an abduction which also leaves her pregnant with Cancerman's child. Definite possibilities. HA!

* * *

Mulder woke up to the sound of Scully giggling. Which would have been a nice way to wake up if she hadn't jumped on his chest as soon as he cracked his eyes open.

"Scully? You seriously need to think about firing your wake-up service guy."

She just smiled and rolled off the bed, tugging on his hand.

"Come on, get up."

"What time is it?"

"Seven. Which means I only get you for 38 more hours. That's not very long in the grand scheme of things."

"Alright, I'm up, but you have to make me breakfast."

"The pancakes are pancaking as we speak."

"Scully how long have you been up?"

"I caught a few worms this morning."

"I see. I'll shower and be downstairs in a bit."

She practically skipped out of the room.

He showered quickly and joined her in the kitchen about 10 minutes later. She was standing at the stove, making eggs and singing with the radio. He was tempted to wrap his arms around her, whisper in her ear until she turned her face enough that he could kiss her. Instead he rested his hand on the small of her back and kept his lips far from hers.

"So those worms you caught this morning didn't make it into this meal did they?"

She just shrugged and smiled.

"Can you get the plates down? They're in the cupboard above the dishwasher."

He obeyed and set the plates on the table.

"Scully?"

"Hmm?"

"In all the time I've known you, I have known exactly where everything is in your kitchen. I've known where everything is in your bathroom and your bedroom and your living room. I know how you arrange your closet, how you load the dishwasher, which clothes you dry-clean..."

"Your point?"

"I feel like I don't know that anymore."

"It's all still the same, Mulder. Granted, this apartment is set up differently, but I'm a creature of habit. You still know me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Just because we've been apart doesn't mean that we're different people."

"Okay," he conceded, remaining unconvinced.

"Hey," she said, reaching out to touch his arm. "I'm still Scully and you're still Mulder. Right?"

"Yeah."

"If I second guess you, will it make you feel better?"

He smiled.

"Maybe."

"I don't think it will, Mulder."

"Thank you, Scully."

* * *

It was finally time to talk. They had run errands, gone out for pizza and watched a movie. They were lying on her living room floor, throw pillows behind their heads. They were quiet, letting the TV play and their thoughts wander. Occasionally, Scully would tap Mulder's ankle with her foot or he'd gently nudge her with his elbow, but for the most part they were lost in their own worlds.

She finally rolled over to face him, propping her head up on her hand. He glanced over at her then away again with a sigh.

"The time has come the walrus said..." she said with a small smile.

He grinned.

"To talk of many things," he answered back.

Twin sighs.

"Scully, why'd you have to leave town?"

"I didn't know what else to do. I needed to get out. I knew that if I stayed too close I would go back whether I wanted to or not. I knew you'd talk me back into it without even trying. That and I made the decision while I was still mad and I felt like I had to go through with it."

"So you didn't want contact because you were afraid I would talk you out of leaving?"

"For the most part, yes. But I also wanted you to really think about what happened and what went wrong. I wanted you to realize that you could do it without me, and I wanted to explore other options."

"You made the decision for me."

"No, I just gave you the ability to make the decisions without anything else to contribute."

"What would you have done if I would have come to see you?"

"I don't know. I might have been a little mad at first, but nothing that teasing of yours couldn't fix."

"Because I've known your address since about 2 weeks after you left."

"Are you serious?"

"Byers helped me find it."

"Why didn't you..." she asked, looking away from him.

"Because you didn't want me to. I knew that you would break the silence when you wanted to and I figured that was the best way to do it. I hated every minute of it, but I knew it was what you wanted."

"I wish I could change it, Mulder. I do."

"Do you still trust me?"

She sighed and rolled over to face the ceiling.

"That's a loaded question."

"Is it?"

"Mulder, I trust you in so many ways. And I don't trust you in a lot of ways. Professionally, I tend to trust you, but personally is a different story."

"Why?"

"Because. Like you said, this is personal to me. Mulder, you were my partner for a reason, but you are my friend by choice. Hits to the professional trust are easier to get over. I trusted you with my heart and my feelings and that's gone."

"How?"

"Every time you chose not to listen to me, that hurt. Every time you told me one thing and did another, that hurt. And neither of those were just one time things. They became the norm. I never thought you would do anything that would hurt me, no matter what. And I let myself be vulnerable and open with you and then you hurt me."

"Scully I didn't realize."

"That's the problem. You've always known before. But you changed."

"You don't like me anymore."

"Yes I do. I just don't like the person you were. That wasn't my Mulder. It was like Phoebe all over again except this time you wouldn't admit that you were being used. And Diana is much harder to figure out than Phoebe."

He almost chuckled at that.

"I hated seeing you like that, Mulder. Manipulated and almost broken. I even started to think that maybe I did it too you. Maybe I was just as responsible as Phoebe and Diana."

"No."

"It would have killed me."

"I know."

"Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"I need you to be completely honest with me right now. Did you have any idea, even an inkling that Diana had my files?"

"None. I didn't even think of it until you wrote it in your letter. It scares me, Scully," he admitted, finally rolling over to look at her. She copied his position and he reached over and squeezed her hand.

"Yeah. It scares me too."

"What else do we need to talk about?"

"When you said that I was your one in five billion, what did you mean by that?"

"I just meant that you're the only one I can rely on. You're the only one who respects me. You're the only one who wouldn't give up on me."

"Then why take me for granted?"

"I forgot about you, Scully. If you haven't noticed, I have a one track mind. I was so obsessed with getting the X-Files reopened that you got lost in the shuffle. You didn't deserve that, and I'm sorry."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes. You know that. I've loved you for a long time. You're my best friend. I made some mistakes, Scully. I'm sorry about that. I can't change it though. All I can do is make sure it doesn't happen again. I don't want to loose you."

"I don't want to loose you either."

She was close to tears, and each stroke of his thumb over the back of her hand brought those tears closer.

"I'm sorry I ran away from you. I'm sorry I didn't try to fix this before," she managed to spit out between small sobs. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry, Mulder."

He pulled her closer so he could wrap both arms around her.

"It's okay."

She sniffled again and he pulled back to look at her eyes.

"I'm sorry too, Scully. I was a jerk. I'm going to listen to you from now on, okay? And we're going to talk about this stuff instead of ignoring it until we blow up. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Let's be done talking about this for now but leave it as an open topic. I know there's more we both want to say, but I think it would be best to stop for a while."

"Me too."

He leaned down and kissed the tears off of her cheeks.

"No more crying, okay?"

She nodded and buried her face in his chest, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly to stop the tears. He ran his fingers through her hair several times and she hmmm'ed softly. She was getting sleepy and she felt so warm and comfortable she was afraid she'd start to drool.

"Tired?"

"Mm-hmm," she answered, flicking her eyes up to his. "Will you hold me?"

He nodded and kissed her forehead, then reached up to take a blanket off the arm of the couch. He draped it over them and she snuggled in closer to him, tangling her feet with his.

"Go to sleep, Scully."

She yawned and nuzzled his collarbone.

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"You're not going to be here much longer. I don't want to miss anything."

He chuckled and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I'll be here when you wake up."


	6. Apollo 11 indeed

Disclaimer: You know, if FOX is so desperate for money that they have to go trolling fanfiction sites and YouTube so they can sue people who just want to have fun, then they really have more problems than my 10 could help them with. Maybe they should cut their losses and take their lowest rating shows off the air? Just an idea.

Spoilers:

A/N: Still not sure where to go with this. I want to keep the story full of hugging and cozy moments, but my spidey-sense is alerting me to some hardship in the near future. But then again, my spidey-sense is often wrong. Reference to Gilmore Girls in this chapter. Blink and you'll miss it.

* * *

Scully woke up about 2 hours later, yawning a little and rubbing her eyes. Mulder released his grip on her slightly as she sat up.

"I'm hungry," she announced, looking down at him.

"We could order dinner."

"Nah. I'll fix something."

"You don't have to do that, Scully."

"I want to. Give me an hour, okay?"

He nodded and she went into the kitchen. He soon heard the fridge opening, the pots and pans making noise, and the water running. He could picture here in there in her sock feet and he idly wondered if she was wearing an apron. Smiling at the thought, he stood up and went into the kitchen too.

"Can I help you?"

"Um, yeah, can you peel the potatoes?"

He went to the sink and washed the potatoes, then began to peel them with what he felt was surgical precision. Scully was humming as she stood next to him, chopping a salad. It was all very domestic, and Mulder almost said something about it, but didn't want to spoil the moment.

They worked together almost silently for 15 minutes. Mulder cut the potatoes and set them on the stove to boil while Scully finished the salad and got the steak out of the fridge.

"Mulder," she said finally, once the steaks were in the frying pan.

"Yeah?"

"Do you still... talk to Diana?"

He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned on the counter.

"Scully, a long time ago, I accepted the fact that Diana initiates contact between the two of us. That's how it's always been. My only power is in accepting or ignoring her advances."

"Her advances?"

"You know what I mean. She has contacted me a few times, left messages and what-not, but I haven't bitten. She's not on my side, Scully, as much as I want to think that friendship is the deepest loyalty, and as much as I want to believe the good in her, I know it's not true."

"What would you do if she showed up one day with some kind of information?"

"I'd probably listen to her and then decide if it was a lie, or if it could help me out, or if it was just a ploy to worm her way back in. More than likely it would be the first or the last, because let's face it, in the long run we haven't seen much evidence to the contrary."

"Who was she to you, Mulder? I mean, before she left, who was she?"

"She was my friend. My partner. I thought."

"And you'd never want to be her partner again?"

"That ship has sailed, Scully. It's probably in Fiji by now."

She smiled and looked down at the floor.

"What's the matter?"

"I just... I feel like some nagging wife asking if you're going to see the mistress again. Not that a wife wouldn't have license to nag at a time like that, but it just feels very... late-night HBO."

He chuckled and pulled her into a hug.

"Scully, just so you know, you have every right to nag me about this. If you had started hanging out with Jeffrey Spender I would have probably felt the same way, only I would have been violent about it."

"Yeah, you're good at defending my honor or some crazy thing."

"Did I sufficiently answer your questions?"

"Yes. Thank you."

He nodded and kissed her forehead.

"But you and me being partners... that ship is still docked."

"I know. Maybe someday."

"That's all I ask for."

* * *

"Mulder, I really wish you didn't have to leave."

"I wish that too, Scully. But I have to. And you're coming down in three weeks, so it's not like we're going to be apart for too long."

"I know. I just miss you."

He nodded and pulled her into a hug.

"I'll call you when I get there."

"Alright."

"And in the next three weeks, ponder the question I asked you."

"The whole "if we're not partners what are we?" thing?"

"Yeah, that thing."

"Okay, I will ponder."

"I enjoyed the weekend."

"Me too."

He kissed her forehead and let her go as they called the final boarding for his plane.

"I love you, Scully."

"I love you too. Be safe."

"You too, sweetheart. I'll talk to you in a few hours."

With one last glance and forehead kiss, he left her standing in the airport hallway.

"Hey Scully!" he called out when he was almost out of sight.

"Yeah?"

"Apollo 11!"

She smiled and headed out to her car. Apollo 11 indeed.


End file.
